Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Bottoms Up Over New York City

Washlet Butts
On July 1st a two-story Times Square billboard appeared wrapped around three sides of a building. It featured images of bare butts of men and women with smiley faces superimposed on them. The giant cheeky ad is for a bidet called the Toto Washlet and not everyone in New York City thinks the "Clean is Happy" message is appropriate. Most people in the U.S. have not experienced the joys of bidet cleanliness and Toto is determined to change that by educating the American public to the thrills of frequent bidet usage. The Toto Washlet press release states it "upgrades a standard U.S. toilet to state-of-the-art in personal hygiene. It cleans and dries with aerated water and warm air (both adjustable, via wireless remote, for temperature and strength). While over 17 million have been sold worldwide, the U.S. remains an untapped market." Want that fresh clean feeling all day long? Then rush out to get your own Toto Washlet and be the envy of your neighbors with the freshest bottom on your block.

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CW FISHER said...

At first I thought somebody stole my butt cleavage idea. I am predicting that butt cracks will soon be displayed as breasts in the back.

But I was wrong. It's about butt cleanage.

A few years back the porn industry invented butt bleaching as a way to turn those nasty brown stains pink again. The Japanese are so far behind the curve. If they just add bleach, they'd be right up to date.

What's wrong with using the old left thumb? If it's good enough for hitchhiking and gladiator deciding, then it's good enough for butt wiping.

What's next? Colonoscopies? Anal probes?

My father, back in the seventies, was co-developer of a Sears toilet they called the "Fart Sucker" (not its marketing name), that expelled offensive odors as you flushed. It never caught on because market research proved that everyone's own shit didn't stink.

So you see, Tony? There's nothing new under the sun, even where the sun don't shine, it's all old. And humid.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Toilet paper irritates and chafes according to many in the medical profession. I still do not think I could get used to water being shot at the place where the sun does not shine, unless you tan nude, then maybe it would be good. ;-)

Bonez said...

CW, butt cleavage for both men and women? I thought butt crack guys were handymen and plumbers and I doubt most would consider their hairy recesses to be attractive in any sense. That reminds me of a recent skit I saw on SNL that had Miss-behavin' Lohan touting a fictitious cream as being exclusively used for the female "coin slot" :) when wearing those low riding jeans.

Blue, I read something similar to what you say... that toilet paper only smears and thins the ... uh... stuff left over and um... er... well, you still have a film of "stinky" coating you down there and um... you can never truly get it totally clean and... well, never mind. I think you get the picture.

Anonymous said...

Looks like a bunch of arse to me!

Bonez said...

It IS a bunch of arse, Geedos, and not even great looking arses at that. Still fun, though.

Marloes said...

I haven't laughed this loud in decades...even hubby dearest came to see what made me lose my marbles..:)

Bonez said...

Decades? That's a pretty dang long time, Marloes. I'm glad I was able to help you find your laugh box (ala Sponge Bob Squarepants). And the fact that you could share it with your hubby makes it an even better Bonez victory :) Down with frown and up with smiles!!!

CW FISHER said...

Down with frowns... and up... with smiles. THAT'S A GOOD ONE!

Regarding Blue's observations (smearing v. wiping), this is a toilet tissue issue.

The worst toilet paper has aloe in it. It actually makes everything worse. By the time you're done your whole butt's brown. Endless. A real toilet clogger, that one. You walk out all slippery like you got a secret. You slide when you sit. You're trailing aloe. Everybody knows.

I use 2-ply, the cheap stuff, because hey, it's a butt wipe, and anyway who's looking? When company comes over, I put it in the holder.

But a butt bidet? Do I really want to get that dramatic? People are going to spend hours in there. You know they will. And they'll walk out a bit slippery themselves sometimes, but smiling -- but two hours later, they're chapped.

Butthole maintenance, in my world, is simple. Eat enough fiber, wipe once, wash hands.

CW FISHER said...

Btw, Tony, I never meant to imply that the butt cleavage idea be applied to men. It only works if they accessorize with a stubby cigar.

What I'm talking about is for the ladies, it's like a cocktail dress, only it sweeps WAY low in back, showing about half the butt, so all the guys do the Scrubs woof! when she passes.

I always thought the best thing for a dude is a big Idaho potato, as long as he puts it in front. That can be a real head turner too.