Thursday, October 16, 2008

Redneck Pole Dancing Babe Brings Artistic Culture to the Masses

Okay, I know that the title of this post is potentially inflammatory or even derisive to a certain segment of our population but the term is used with the utmost respect in this instance. Many of my friends and family are proud of their redneck legacy and have no problem with frequently acting it out in public without caring what some damn Yankee, city slicker or high-falutin' snobby too good for their britches goody two-shoes may think or say. Any place or occasion can be an opportunity to gleefully display their redneck pride. Be it at the Wal-Mart or the flea market or the Waffle House or the Dairy Queen or the monster truck rally or hells yeah! at the gol' dern NASCAR races, dontcha know.

Today, I was going to post about a redneck wedding at the Wal-Mart but my intensive research into that historic venue found that it wasn't as cutting edge or as unusual as I had originally thought it to be. In my extensive and exhaustive online search for the truth I discovered that there is plenty of redneck material outside of Wal-Mart and Waffle House weddings to keep me in Bonez posts for the next several years. Fear not, Faithful Readers, this blog will NOT become a redneck haven of silliness and debauchery. Well, maybe a just a little debauchery from time to time but definitely not an over abundance of redneck silliness... except when it fits the need for an easy laugh or three.

So, how in the world did I get from aborted redneck Wal-Mart wedding post to redneck pole dancing babe post? I won't delve too deeply into the psychological processes since that may scare off some of the more squeamish of the Bonez Readers. However, it was a logical transition (at least, to me) and a genuine intent to bring more class and culture to the pages of Bonez. The grand result of that inward struggle for true blogging Zen is a series of YouTube videos to tantalize and educate any hapless wanderer who stumbles across Bonez.

Not wanting to give Readers a one-side viewpoint or to focus strictly on the obvious talents of our redneck pole dancing babe above, I decided to provide an example of the ancient sport as performed in more upscale cultured places like New York City on a daily basis.

Some of you may not be aware that pole dancing is also an acceptable form of panhandling. Research has shown that pole dancing for food is much more productive for the average beggar than is the stereotypical "will work for food" scheme practiced by a majority of the street beggars in our major metropolitan areas and at most bus stations. Expect to see more street corner pole dancers capitalizing on this method of generating a respectable income in these trying economic times. You may also notice a definite change in characteristic style of the dancers' execution of certain standard moves. This variance is acceptable with the understanding of the regional traditional differences that are passed on from generation to generation of pole dancers. Great pride is taken in upholding and passing along these unique modifications to the global standards of pole dance techniques.

You know a sport or artistic expression has gone mainstream whenever it get its own USB device. So, get your pole dancin' Geek on with the awesomely realistic USB Pole Dancer.

I am sure many of you female Bonez Readers are wondering how you too can enjoy the benefits and emotional freedom of expressing yourself through pole dancing. Ever vigilant of our readers' thirst for informative informational information Bones proudly presents the introductory course for beginning pole dance artists wannabes.

Okay, you got me. I was kidding. Here's the real pole dancing instructional video for beginners along with the official pole dance starter kit.

For eons dance has been one form of spiritual expression in almost every faith and religion around the world. The pole dance is often but another form of that expression of one's spirituality. Don't believe me? I offer as proof of my assessment the angelic performance of Ms. Lucy Misch for your enjoyment.

And for those of you who still are not sure of the artistic merit of the sacred art of pole dancing here is one final video of a very serious and beautiful presentation to the classic tune of Swan Lake.

Thus, I rest my case and am convinced that I have done a tremendous service to the blogosphere with my unadulterated unbiased presentation of pole dancing, redneck babes and the artistic spiritual expression of dance.


Murphy Jacobs said...

Some days you just plain scare me. Other days you TERRIFY me.

Just so you know you're keeping up with your average ;)

GeologyJoe said...

Quite a service indeed, bringing together that excellent pole dancing video compilation. BRAVO!

Bonez said...

As long as I am maintaining my average and balance between scaring and terrifying then I am on course, Sherri. You wanna know a secret? Sometimes I scare myself!

Bonez said...

I tried to find a video of a Sarah Palin lookalike pole dancer just for you, GeoJoe. Maybe you can strap your Sarah Palin ReadDoll to a ... OMG! That's too much for even my warped mind to contemplate. Your Daddy Blogging don't fool me, Dude!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Hall says, um yeah, these are great but, it doesn't count unless they actually take it off.

(Mr. Hall's first comment submitted via the wife)

Mrs. Hall said...

Mrs. Hall says DAMMIT!

Although I may be healthy and such, there is just no way I will ever have such a flat belly again.

These awesome kids of mine, they double marked my torso from hip to hip, mid thighs to belly button.

Such is the price we pay for birthing miracles. :)

But mark my words, at the end of the upcoming boot camp, if I so choose, I will hang upside down from a pole.

Although the cheap pole in a box as is not recommended for hanging upside down (per Mr. Hall's observation.)

Mrs. Hall

Bonez said...

Bonez brings couples together! Welcome Mr. Hall and I hope you enjoy your little foray into the nether regions of the blogosphere. I am not so sure that I fully agree with you about it not counting unless they "take it off". I tend to fancy lingerie clad fems and have a mind to think that leaving some cover to spice the imagination is even more erotic than full nudity. But to each his or her own. We are very flexible here at Bonez.

Bonez said...

I am not so sure I would risk my health on that cheap pole in a box starter kit, either. Um, did I just reveal that I wouldn't mind giving the old pole a try myself? Wow, some people could really take this conversation and turn it into something less than educational and edifying.

Mrs. Holly Hall... if you succeed in your threat to hang upside down from a pole the Bonez Readers wouldn't mind a little photographic evidence of your accomplishment. Of course, we would edit out your face with our graphic artist magic, if you so desired.

Mrs. Hall said...

Well, it would be at least a year before Mr. Hall could properly install a pole for such purposes.

BUT! Let's make this interesting.

In a week or so I will begin the boot camp. As such I could produce photographic evidence of the transformation.

This will cost though.

A crispy twenty dollars for each photo of the developing girly guns, abs and such.

This will provide both motivation for me, excellent fodder for the posts and a chance to have Mr. Hall flex his photography muscle.

win win yah?




The only risk is the beginning photos. After all, the would be the before photos.

Bonez said...

Hey, I have a hard enough time giving Bonez away for free without beginning to charge or pay for transformation photos of my co-authors! But, I must admit, that I like your spunk and I do think that it would make for a very interesting series of posts that would cover your progress in whatever light you would like to share on it.

Thinkinfyou said...

I now know what I'm putting on my Christmas list this year. Thanks Tony!!!

Bonez said...

Is that on YOUR Christmas list, ThinkingOfYou, or your HUSBAND's?

Thinkinfyou said...

No it's on mine now. Pole dancing reminds me of playing on the playground when I was a little girl. You have to admit it looks like fun!

Bonez said...

hmmmm.... playing on the playground is what pole dancing reminds you of. Well, I don't recall those moves being executed by any of my young playmates as a little kid. Guess I grew up more sheltered from such things ;) But I think it is kewl that you want it to be YOUR Christmas present... sort of like a wife saying, "Honey, all I want for Christmas is the biggest HDTV we can buy to watch all your football games on. And while you're at it, add to my Christmas list that stockinged leg lamp we've always wanted and that beautiful decorative beer keg for the living room. Oh, and don't forget that skimpy cheerleader uniform I've always wanted to wear while I pole dance for you during the football game while you suck on the hose connected to the beer keg." I know there's gotta be saintly women out there like that...

Thinkinfyou said...

You must have went to an all boys school then,Tony. I think a huge tv would be an awesome Christmas present.Saturday is football day at our house anyways(Go Gators.) The only thing that I don't see as a great idea is the keg in the living gotta keep the keg in the kitchen.

Bonez said...

Nah, I think it is the age differences. We were pure most of our youth back then. Literal angels of innocence. Okay, I will give ya the keg in the kitchen as a compromise but I am sure he won't budge on the skimpy cheerleader outfit while you pole dance. Just don't put the pole in front of the big screen or it could lead to divorce or as a minimum him getting a strained neck from trying to look around you at the game on the boob toob.

Anonymous said...

redneck girl lookin good...what the hell u talkin bout? ky