Thursday, November 13, 2008

Jožin z Bažin Versus Dancin' Granny

[Music is "Galvanize" the first single from The Chemical Brothers' 2005 album Push the Button]
Okay, I originally titled this post "Jožin z Bažin Versus Russian Granny in Dance Off to the Death" but thought that was a bit sensationalistic even for Bonez and decided to tone it down for the more sedate readers. Sometimes I just need a good laugh. And what can generate a gut busting laugh better than a band of Czechs singing about bog monsters eating Prague tourists dubbed over with Grammy Award winning dance music and a hip dancing Russian Granny person? Life don't get much better than this, folks, and you are seeing it here on Bonez at no additional charge. (optional broadband connection fees not included)

The purists out there will want to see the unadulterated original version to appreciate the subtle humorous overtones and cultural nuances. So here goes, Purists... get up and shake your boot-ehs and dance to the music!

Jožin z bažin (translated "Joe from the swamps") is a surrealistic tale of a man-eating monster living in the bogs eating tourists from Prague. Yeah, I know, that is usually the sort of entertainment E writes about but someone's gotta fill in for the guy while he's gallivanting around the world on his Bonez hiatus. Jožin z bažin is written and performed by Czech musician and comedian Ivan Mládek. Rough English translation follows:

I’m driving in a Skoda 100 to camp in Orava
Because I’m in a hurry, I risk crossing Moravia
A monster prowls around there, it comes out of the swamp
It mainly eats people from Prague, and it’s called Joe

Joe Swamp creeps through the bogs
Joe Swamp approaches the village
Joe Swamp is sharpening his teeth
Joe Swamp bites and strangles
Who’dve thought that the way to deal with Joe Swamp
The only thing that works is a plane with white powder

I was driving through a village on the road to Vizovice
I met the village elder who told me over some slivovice
“Whoever brings me Joe, dead or alive,
Shall have my daughter and half the collective farm”

Joe Swamp creeps through the bogs
Joe Swamp approaches the village
Joe Swamp is sharpening his teeth
Joe Swamp bites and strangles
Who’dve thought that the way to deal with Joe Swamp
The only thing that works is a plane with white powder

I say, “Chief, give me the plane and the powder
I’ll give you Joe, no problem”
The Elder agreed, and at dawn I rose to the skies
The powder fell beautifully from the plane onto Joe

Joe Swamp is now all white
Joe Swamp escapes from the bogs
Joe Swamp has turned to stone
For Joe Swamp, this is the end
I caught Joe and now I have him, woohoo!
Cash is always good so now I’m selling him to the zoo!

[Special thanks to Markoni who inspired me and turned me on to Jožin z Bažin]


EuroYank - Virginia Hoge said...

What we have here is failure to discombobulate! (don't look it up in wikipedia)

Bonez said...

tr.v. dis·com·bob·u·lat·ed, dis·com·bob·u·lat·ing, dis·com·bob·u·lates
To throw into a state of confusion.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Now that made me laugh and appreciate Czech culture from 1978.

Markoni said...

Wow, this looks just like something I would have posted. :)

Bonez said...

Old Blue ~ I knew you were into 70's Czech culture and would find this post something you would come back to over and over and dance to.

Markoni ~ I told you to post it, Dude, and you balked so I stole it and still gave you cred for the inspiration. Ain't I a good Bonez Crew taskmaster?

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I wrote a paper about the 68 Warsaw pact invasion of Czechoslovakia for college and in the military for MI.

Prague is a beautiful city...I am told.

Mrs. Hall said...

When I was a nursing assistant in a nursing home, I would assist elderly folks that couldn't do a lot of things for themselves.

One night, I was working with an 97y.o. patient who spend most of his day sleeping upright in his recliner. (His choice which we supported.) As I was readying him for bed, I taught him to sing, "everybody was kung fu fighting".

He struggled with the words "kung fu" because he didn't know what it was. "it's a kind of boxing" I said.

It took about 45 minutes for him to learn the verse "everybody was kung fu fighting/those cats were fast as lightening", the same amount of time it took me to ready him for bed, but we laughed and laughed as I was teaching him.

And when he finnally got it, but man o man, when he got it is was AWESOME! We both laughed so hard!

funny funny stuff


Mrs. Hall

Bonez said...

What a great story, Holly. Sounds like it itself could have been fodder for a great post. I would loved to have witnessed him letting go and belting out Kung Fu Fightin'.

IndyGirl500 said...

Weirdest thing I've seen all day Tony. :)

Bonez said...

You ain't seen nothing yet, IndyGirl. Wait till I ppst some of the really weird stuff I have got stashed away. Thanks for visiting Bonez and keep coming back.

Mrs. Hall said...

ok, I did a post about the elderly gentleman and kung fu fighting.