Saturday, May 07, 2011

Don't Throw The Tail Away That's Good Eatin'!

I really like fishing. I have fished most of my life but not nearly as much as I would have liked to. In fact, I've rarely fished the last seventeen years or so after becoming domesticated and all citified. Or as some of my friends like to say, emotionally castrated and metro-sexualized beyond recognition. The lone exception is probably when my son, Tay and I went up to a friend's boat in Kentucky and brought back an ice chest full of catfish fillets we caught on yo-yos ... about fifteen pounds or more worth of mostly blue channel cats and man oh man them was some good eatin' (trying to mimic Heather's accent). I like all sorts of fishing. Bass fishing, Trotline, jug and yoyo fishing, Surf fishing, river fishing, lake fishing, and ocean fishing. Add to that crabbing, catching crawdads/crayfish/crawfish (mudbugs as some would call them) and you start to get the picture that I do indeed like catching and eating water critters. Don't even get me started on my secret superpower of consuming vast quantities of raw fish on sushi to the point that Al Gore has personally begged me to slow down and not drive certain dwindling oceanic species to extinction. I never thought I would see an ex-Almost President (damn Illuminati rigged elections) with tears in his eyes saying, "Leave some for the rest of us, please Mister Bonez." What can I say, I'm a sucker when someone cries and I do love my Country (proud U.S. Military Veteran that I am), so I voluntarily ratcheted down my raw fish consumption to a sub-extinction inducing intake. For now... I'm kidding, Al! Damn, Dude, stop crying like a little girl! Speaking of the fairer sex ... women, girls, females, etc. etc. etc. The only thing that would make fishing any better would be to share it with a sexy lady who sincerely enjoys it as much as I do. Yes, you can be a Lady and sexy and fishing all at the very same time. Hot women have been fishing with their men for thousands of years so why do they seem to be so rare today? I know there are still prominent seats of learning catering to the education of lovely lasses in the fine arts of fishing and care of delicate lingerie in the wilds. Attendance is obviously down, though, as those hallowed halls were once filled to capacity with eager women learning how to not tear their stockings while crawling through the brush without breaking a nail while taking that big one off the trotline with one hand as they pop the top on an ice cold beer for their man with the other. Sigh. Back when men were men and all women were sexy calendar pinup girls pretending to be dainty and helpless as they teased their men 24x7 with hints of seductive pleasures to come all the while diligently, tirelessly and happily cooking, cleaning, fishing, gutting fish, hunting, gutting deer, making soap, beating rugs and doing yard work in the skimpiest of lingerie and tallest of high heels. Sigh. Those were the days, indeed, Dear Bonez Reader. But I do not think it is asking too much for some women to seriously consider moving back to the old ways when all women were much more fulfilled and happy with their God-Given roles in Life. Come on Ladies, step up to the plate of real womanhood and slip into some comfortable sexy waders, grab your pole and let's get our fishin' on! BTW, Miss Heather has a lot of cute Southern and Louisiana things she says, but I was a bit stunned to hear that she was such a huge Bonez fan. When she looked right into the camera and said, "All this right here is Bonez ... Bonez", I knew immediately that God had indeed created the perfect woman. Thank you, Miss Heather. Got any Sisters?

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